Satan's Svengali

One of the hallmarks of Conan O'Brien's late night TV show is a segment where Conana and his team imagine what a baby would look like if two celebrities mated. The more I look at Karl Rove, the more I am convinced that he is the love child of Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney, but I'm not here to critique Rove's look, I want to examine the recent events surronding the man I consider, "Satan's Svengali".

Republicans hail Rove as the most "brilliant man alive." I counter with, a truly "brilliant man" doesn't drop out of college nor does he lose a campaign to a dead man (Rove was the campaign mananger for John Ashcroft's unsucessful bid for a seat in the Senate from Missouri in 2000. Ashcroft lost to Mel Carnahan who died in a plane crash before the election). Don't let Rove's failings fool you--what he lacks in formal education and "juice" he makes up with a cunning, criminal nature that will devour anyone or anything that tries to stand in his way. Ask Anne Richards! Ask John McCain! Ask John Kerry! While Cheney and the rest of the "Big Oil" industry serve as Bush's handlers, Rove serves as the bulldozer who clears the way for the Puppet President to dance across the stage.

Like all Republicans, Rove realizes that Bush lacks the cognitive skills necessary for balancing a check book, let alone running a totalitarian regime and quashing detractors. Rove steps in, attempts to destroy the character of anyone attempting to stand up to the Bush administration, and Bush walks to the podium and butchers the English language once again.

As you know, Rove recently came under fire for his involvment in the "outing" of a CIA operative. While Republicans view homosexuals "coming out" as a bad thing, "outing" of CIA operatives is apparently condoned by this band of villians.

In a nutshell, here's what happened. In the midst of the Bush administration build up for war with Iraq, the CIA wanted to investigate a set of documents from an Italian agency (later proved to be forged documents) that indicated Sadam Hussein had attempted to purchase uranium from the African nation of Niger. The CIA wanted to send someone to Niger to investigate, so an operative recomended her husband, a man named Joseph Wilson who had built strong ties in Africa, serving as a diplomat in the Clinton administration. Wilson travels to Niger, finds the claims to be false and returns to the US to report his finding to the CIA. The CIA in turn tells the White House that the claims of Hussein buying uranium were bogus; the White House refuses to listen and instruct all mouth pieces of the GOP and of the administration to stick with the uranium story and push towards a war in Iraq.

Wilson, acting as a patriot, decides to let the American people know the truth of his findings and writes an article for The New York Times discussing his findings. The Bush administration immediately searches for ways to discredit Wilson; Colin Powell orders an investigation of Wilson's past and the search reveals that Wilson's wife, Valarie Plame, serves as a CIA operative. Rove leaks this information to certain reports and Robert Novak runs a story identifying Plame as a "CIA" operative. Time magazine reporter, Matthew Cooper contacts Karl Rove, initially for an interview on welfare, but then finds interest in Novak's claim; Rove confirm's Novak's claim to Cooper.

What would posses someone to commit such a travesty?

Bitterness! Revenge! Low self esteem! All make up the Republican mantra.

Conservatives, such as Rove, exhibit many similar traits--obesity, male-patterned baldness, and often impotence, which leaves their life void of pleasure and meaning. They view the world as one that has long since passed them by--progress ripping at the core of the archaic, Victorian values. Scared of change, they respond with a vehement charge that seeks to destroy all those who do not share their "old world view." Since they lack a proper appreciation for the humanities, these men fail to see the beauty of change and fail to understand the world around them. Like leeches, these men search for a host to suck dry to sustain their lives. For the conservative, the religious right serves as the host, drained to a point of delerium, the religious right turns from God's love to outright hate. Instead of focusing this hate on the parasite, they project their hate on secularists and progressive Christians.

The conservative leech, now at full strength, looks for ways to feed its own hedonistic desires (bolstering the coffers of corporate America). This gives the conservative leech the necessary nutrition it needs to advance a level in the evolutionary heiarchy, to that of serpent.

Think of the modern conservative as a black mamba. Yes, they are cursed below all animals and forced to crawl on their bellys, but they can also strike at the heel of mankind with a mighty blow full of venom, often leading to death.